I haven’t made a personal post in a while.
With the recent turn of events at the beginning of this year, I came to terms with my severe anxiety disorder and my mild depression.
It’s not easy and I have these horrible fears that no one cares about me and I no one will support me. With the exception of 3 of my absolute favorite people who’s names begin with, A, D, and N, I feel very alone.
Perhaps this is what depression is. I never truly understood it. But I lay here thinking of this absolute lonliness and feel as if I can’t do anything about it.
What am I to do when my mind tells me the people I see as friends aren’t really my friends? That they all judge me and hate me for the way I am? I feel like I’m constantly being whispered about. That people hate me. That people are only pretending to want to be around me to spare my feelings.
What do I do? Seclude myself? Not talk to anyone? Do I just fall back into the darker recesses of my mind?
Everyday it feels like I’m crawling out of a ditch. I get a little bit closer to the too, slide back down a little, but eventually reach the top again. But days like this happen and I fall back to the bottom.
Words can’t comfort me. I don’t believe anyone when they try to reassure me of anything positive.
I hate being like this and it takes so much energy to fight it everyday.
I’m going to keep fighting, but for once in these past 10 years, I’d like to feel like I’m in control of my emotions and my mind. Hate, distrust, lonliness, depression…it’s not a fun ride.
He’s just mad because he can’t acquire all the apple juice that I’m acquiring. (x)
Nothing will fuck up your twenties more than thinking you’re supposed to have your shit together.
Iroh giving advice — requested by ask-appa-the-flying-bison